I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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