my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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