This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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