did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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