the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
