chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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