tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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