I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
