whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
