new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
