Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
