i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
