i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
