drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
