Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
