i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
