just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
