apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
