So drunk its hurt
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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