When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
