What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
