You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
