she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
