Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
