i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
