I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
