i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
