He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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