Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
