You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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