google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
