i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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