they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
