my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
vagina is talking i cant
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
