if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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