I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
