I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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