well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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