So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the condom got lost in my hair
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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