i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
40s are totally the cure
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
