I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
