what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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