True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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