Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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