I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
