ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
