So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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