Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
