I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
