evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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