Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
