that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
