In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
