do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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