Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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