I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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