Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
