We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
