she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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