She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Drunk is a universal language darling
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
