My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
