if you like me you must not know who I am
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
