just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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