My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
