Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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