dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can Purell be used as lube?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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