So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
