Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
