you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
