Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
