wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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