you win again, gameday.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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