he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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