i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
