I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
